


When You´re Not Here I`m Suffocating

by xLoveMx



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Spectre - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5173031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And there it is again, that tiny spark of hope, but it only lasts for a second, because while Q might feel foolish whenever it comes to James he´s not stupid. No, in fact he´s very smart and he can tell that this isn´t about them. Not about what could have been, or maybe almost was, and never would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You´re Not Here I`m Suffocating

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. So I just saw Spectre and I´m having MAJOR 00Q feelings and I swear I was going to write something to fix that heartbreaking ending but then the angst whore in me took over and well...this is what happened. Don´t say I didn´t warn you! *hands tissues*

Q looks up the moment the doors begin to slide open. He can feel his heart beating faster all of a sudden and his eyes are fixed on the familiar figure that is walking towards him. Nobody has been down here for the last few days, especially not James. Yes. That´s what he quietly calls him inside his head and even though Q curses himself for it he doesn´t seem to be able to make it stop. Not that it matters, James is leaving, in fact Q was quite sure he had already left, and there was nothing he could do or say to change his mind.

 

Now James is walking towards him though and Q is very thankful that it´s not possible to hear just how hard his heart is beating against his ribcage. He feels foolish, all of a sudden, to be giving into this tiny spark of hope, one he had held onto ever since James had seemed to have chosen to retire for good a few days ago, but it seems as if there´s nothing he can do about it.

 

“I thought you were gone.”

 

The words are out before he can stop himself and Q highly suspects that this is his inner voice speaking, wanting to hear Bond tell him that he´s, in fact, not retiring or walking off into the sunset with Dr Swann. Q blinks a few times, both to get rid of these thoughts and to reassure himself that he´s not hallucinating. How long as he been down here? He remembers sleeping for a few hours here and there, someone bringing him a meal or a cup of tea, but he isn´t quite sure what day it is. Ever since they had captured Bloefeld, the day Bond had disappeared without saying goodbye, though Q assumed he had told M at least because there hadn´t been a word lost about his disappearance, he had buried himself in his work. Fortunately there had been enough to do with the unravelling of Spectre and the preparations to reinstate the 00 program. He hadn´t even needed to come up with an excuse for not going home, it had presented itself to him and fortunately nobody had seemed to question it. Why would they?

 

“I am. I just need one thing.”

 

And there it is again, that tiny spark of hope, but it only lasts for a second, because while Q might feel foolish whenever it comes to James he´s not stupid. No, in fact he´s very smart and he can tell that this isn´t about them. Not about what could have been, or maybe almost was, and never would be.

 

He blinks again and he immediately knows what the other man is talking about. It´s not because Q is smart, that´s something that´s beside the point, no. It´s because he´s gotten to know James so well ever since they had started working together, Q had put his job on the line, and even his life, though he´s aware that James doesn´t know he´s been followed and almost captured by those men back in Austria, and there hadn´t been time to tell him. He would have probably patted his shoulder and made some witty remark about it anyways, nothing more.

 

Q takes the keys, which he has kept in a drawer in his desk ever since they had moved him here, and tosses them at the other man, eyes never wavering from James. There´s so many things he wants to say, but Q knows that it wouldn´t do him any good. Dr. Swann is probably waiting outside and James doesn´t need him to get the directions to where the car is parked. For a moment he considers to just take the keys back, to refuse to hand over the car, but then his eyes meet with James´ and his defences are crumbling like a sheet of paper. He might have been able to joke around, to even pick up a little sass and confront James with it, but now that he´s faced with these blue eyes, the ones he´s looked into so many times, Q feels like he can´t breathe.

 

It´s almost like those times when James runs off on a mission that could potentially cause his death, but then again…not quite. When he´s off on those missions Q is always there, leading him through it and he knows James is going to find a way to return, if not to him then to his job and country, but this? This is different. He´s going somewhere Q can´t follow and he highly suspects that James wouldn´t want him to anyways.

 

Maybe it´s those thoughts that make him call out for the other man once he´s already turned to leave, or maybe it´s that tiny spark of hope that still seems to be there somehow, Q can´t tell, and if he´s being honest then it doesn´t matter, because the words are spoken before he can stop himself.

 

“Are you doing this because you really love her, or because she´s the only one who´s survived long enough?”

 

A small part of him feels guilty for bringing up James´ past, he´s not the kind of guy who would usually does things like this, but Q feels something slipping away. Something, _someone,_ he´s been holding on for too long, the _only_ thing he´s been holding onto for a while, and it´s beginning to drive him mad. The reason he has been buried in his work, the reason he hasn´t been sleeping or eating right is not the stress that taking apart Spectre and reinstating the 00 program has brought, no. It´s this. It´s losing James to someone he´s knows he can´t compete with.

 

It´s knowing that he won´t stop and turn around to explain himself. It´s feeling his hands beginning to shake the moment the doors are closing behind the former agent. It´s the fact that he can feel tears streaming down his face all of a sudden (Q can´t remember the last time he´s cried).

 

The worst thing, he realizes though, isn´t any of these things. It´s realizing that, should James ever choose return, Q will be right there waiting.


End file.
